Brainfarts......... Doh!

Yesterday morning I woke up and had a brainwave about a topic for a blog. I lay in bed thinking about what I'd write, you know, planning it out. I got up as usual, helped my partner Angus off to work, made coffee, sat and watched the breakfast news. My morning routine.

Later on, I sat down at this laptop, and prepared myself to start writing my latest blog entry. I had been quite impressed with myself, two blogs in two days, I'm not a regular blogger. It is nice though when I get a hit of inspiration. Do you think I could remember the topic I had been thinking about in bed that morning? No..... Great!, I thought. Today's blog is about er....... I haven't got a bloody clue! At least I got something written yesterday, on a completely different tangent and topic, but I was proud of my effort.

In many readings and comments from fellow MSers (those of us in the MS club), the term Brainfart is used put a light-hearted spin on the cognitive problems us MSers experience. I have two scars on either side of the front of my brain. I remember sitting in my neurologists office well over 5 years ago looking at the results of my MRI scan and thinking, geez those are large parts of my brain. As with most things related to this disease, no one knows what causes it or any symptoms that go with it.

Brainfarts. Most people giggle when they hear me say that, but when you actually experience them, it is just damn frustrating! Seriously, it is like thoughts of what you are going to do or say just go poot! Like a little fart out your ear. Gone forever. They may return suddenly, usually too late. I can be sitting watching TV and suddenly look at Angus and make a completely out of context statement as the lost thought from hours ago has returned. Sometimes the thoughts just don't return.

I can forget something I was going to do walking across the kitchen from the bench to the fridge or pantry. Ask me what I was doing around this time 2 years ago and I could probably tell you. I have to wonder if those two scars have killed some of the short term memory or there's a shortage is the circuits somewhere.

It's like the visit to the neurologists office, I can remember that very vividly, long-term memory is working fine. The short-term, lost in mere minutes thoughts that allow me to function with everyday things, are the hardest thing to cope with MS. Memories from 5 years+ are no good to me, yes, I have some very pleasent memories from past events, but I would prefer to function better with the day to day stuff.

I haven't had a vent about MS in my blog yet. I had no intention of doing so this morning, but like much of my writing in my blog, the content just flows and I don't give a lot of thought to what I write as I am doing it.

I was talking about brainfarts with Angus last night and after forgetting something I was going to do in seconds again,I said "I think I'm getting worse!" Negative I know, but I get cross and frustrated with myself. He looked at me with those gentle grey eyes, full of love and made it all ok. "We both are babe" Bless him!